Now that we know how to enjoy the place somewhere between moderation and over indulgence this Christmas (read Part I: Eat HERE and Part II: Drink HERE), we no longer have to flock to the gym and the dieting section of Eason’s looking for the newest and most nonsensical detox program in the depths of dieting despair.
What is the point in having a Merry Christmas and a Miserable New Year? Down with that sort of thing!
The 1st of January usually means one thing: the dreaded detox diet. The worst of all the diets. The type of diet that totally sucks arse.
But here's the thing about detox diets that may divert you forever (hopefully). They are a SCAM and are based on glorified fake science.
The body is a weird but extremely efficient and wonderful place that is more than capable of detoxing itself, given the right tools.
In a healthy individual, these tools are; a liver, a set of kidneys, a pair of lungs, a digestive system and skin. Combined with a balanced diet, you have a perfectly eloquent detoxification system that you don’t have to swipe your credit card for.
A “detox” is not something you undergo because you’ve eaten too many nice pies or over indulged on the Bailey's coffee.
It is in fact, a medical term that refers to the safe discontinuation from a dangerous level of drugs, alcohol or poisons. For which, you need a doctor and a hospital.
According to science, a toxin is a biological poison that can cause disease, such as snake venom. If you were in fact bitten by a snake then I’m pretty sure it’s an ambulance that you need and not a box of herbal detox teas from Holland & Barrett.
So when you see the term “detox” being used on the side of a box of dandelion teabags, you are being exploited. Of your money. You are literally weeing your money down the drain when you buy detox products.
And the drop in scale weight after a week on your fancy pants detox? Yeah, that would be the temporary loss of the contents of your bowel as the laxatives in the detox or cleanse system suck your insides out. Along with the natural diuretics in the detox product, which make you pee more.
How about the disclaimer on the side of the box of teabags that says “should be taken as part of a calorie restricted diet”?
I wonder has that got anything to do with the temporary weight loss also?
No shit Sherlock.
Detoxes are misery encapsulated in a teabag. What’s the first thing you think of when going on a “detox”? Deprivation? Elimination? How about starvation? Certainly not the sort of vocabulary I associate with happiness, but rather with misery.
Total misery manifested in the form of headaches, muscle aches, unpleasant trips to the loo, weakness, and even a pending feeling of death.
What’s scary is that some people will actually embrace these side effects and believe it is the result of their bodies undergoing a detox or being cleansed.
They will tolerate these symptoms for a number of days or even weeks and believe they are some sort of detox martyr for enduring such suffering.
When all that they are truly experiencing are the unpleasant side effects of diarrhoea, dehydration, and starvation.
That’s not being a martyr. That’s falling victim to marketing exploitation.
Unless you are drugged up to your eyeballs or have been bitten by a black widow spider then chances are you don’t need to detox.
GET BACK TO NORMAL
Approach the New Year just as you left the previous year. Accept that you have indulged over the holidays but then just get back to NORMAL, but feeling relaxed, reset, revived, renewed, and ready.
Forget your nasty extreme elimination diets and sucky detoxes, banishing yourself from eating all known tasty food known to man. Instead, just get right back to NORMAL.
No guilt, no depression, no anxiety, no damaged self-esteem. No fad diets, no detoxes, no juice cleanses, no shake diets, no magic supplements. Just get right back to NORMAL.
No extreme measures are required. All that you need is a regular ole unsexy healthy balanced diet. Just get right back to NORMAL.
If you are feeling bloated and are a bit heavier on the scales, then so what. Most of it will just be water retention and unlikely that you will have gained that much fat over 10 days.
And even if you have? So. Bloody. What. Life is to be enjoyed after all, not endured.
Did I already say just get right back to NORMAL?
Drink plenty of water, eat lots of quality food, exercise, sleep, and watch the body take care of itself all by itself.
PS Why not approach the New Year differently this year and avoid the dreaded (and not to mention dangerous) January detox and give Ignition Nutrition a go? Instead of being filled with dread, anxiety, and stress over any holiday weight gain, learn how to keep your sanity intact while simply getting back to normal and feeling fabulous again! Click HERE for information and to secure your place in the usually fully booked January group.
One last message from me (Karen)…